If your ex boyfriend/girlfriend wants to be friends, it also means that she/he is confused and wants to keep all the options open. Fast forward to today. So it is the minimum respect. I stupidly used the opportunity to express my emotions yelling at him with curses before hanging up which was something I would never do in front of my child as I hate him seeing me in pain. Its manipulative and I know it would hurt even if a little. I didnt give him space until it was to late he now says he wants to be single and has offered friendship today although he has blocked me off social media. 1. We first started off as friends with benefits but that lasted a couple months before we fell for each other. She left very suddenly two years ago and hasn't seen our teenaged daughters until recently. Why does my ex want to be friends years later? Ive also decided to have a month on self love and improvement. So now I ask you, as harshly and melodramatic as I am. Friends can fall out of love, and that's not uncommon or unusual. She may then begin to think things like, "I really thought that this was the right decision for me, but now I'm not so sure anymore. The funny part is that we have a tendency to build these big ideas and feelings up in our heads and when it comes time to actually execute or experience them we find that its a little more difficult than we thought. And as it turns out, friendships can lead to a lot of negative outcomes for yourself too. Guys, in particular, are afraid of being put in that dark hole when they start liking a girl. 5 possible reasons why: 1. I agreed, and then after we just didnt speak for two weeks aside form sending streaks on Snapchat-and I never opened his, trying to follow No Contact. In reality, its much, much less than that. In this case, he's letting you down easy - or trying to at least. And the reason it didn't last with the 4 year, was because she didn't want to wait for me to finish grad school to start a family. So it wasnt only losing a partner but also losing a long time friend. Your ex regrets breaking up with you. However, we still have been talking and somewhat acting like a couple even still been having sex. I know if I never asked for this, me personally I would never talk about any other girls in front of her. They seem to believe that love somehow makes human beings selfless. She shares some but she would omit the details of some people, specially guy friend or colleague if she interacts with them. I'm so happy my ex wants to be friends and doesn't despise me.". You dont want to lose your relationship forever and youre wondering if friendship is a good way to get it back. Where do we come running when this happens? So I was with my boyfriend for a year and a half, 6 months into it I broke up with him because he didnt seem to care about me (he said he did but his actions did) eventually we got back together as he said hell change etc now a year later Im smarter and wiser and realised that all we have thats good is in the friendship box, no intimacy no partnership just good conversation. Because I dont want to lose him to her. That's not the only problem. Your ex is not interested in rekindling the relationship, but they dont want to live with a lingering sourness. (Snapchat is our primary form of communication). Building a . It can be a hard (but not impossible!) Broke it off again a year later, didnt speak for 5 or so months, he called for some silly reason and the calls started back up daily. She told me I dont really know what to respond But I like your new whatsapp picture it is very nice, have a nice day, I took 4 days to respond that, I told her Hey, thanks for liking my profile pic, keep in touch and have a nice day. We shared some time of our lives together. Here are 6 tips for staying friends after getting a divorce. First of all if youre hoping to get back together and its looking impossible (probably because you havent had a coaching session yet) you should never think, At least I can be their friend; its better than nothing, or At least theyll be by my side.. Told her I wanted to work things out. 13) Remember, that forgiveness is vital. If your narcissist ex wants to remain your friend soon after a breakup or even contacts you to establish a friendship years down the road, save yourself the grief and just dont do it. Should you really remain friends with an ex as a means of trying to get them back? Learn how your comment data is processed. having loved will always be enough to respect the person and appreciate the fact that your ex saw you at. When you spend any significant portion of your life with someone, you develop an attachment to them. I was hoping if we ever did reconnect shed be able to tell me how nice everything is going and maybe she had found love. Before I actually start diving in and answering this question Id like to lecture for a little bit. ! It has been 3 months, I have been in contact with her. You will in all likelihood, be starting off with a whole lot more baggage than what brand new couples would be. In these cases, reconciling could take a few days to a few years. 8) They pretend they need your help. Your ex has lost love and respect for you. My ex and I ended our relationship for nearly 3 months. Its the opposite of what you want, but letting go is good for you. The other problem is that she chose to run away and treated you poorly. Or just cut contact with no explanation? This is great" you think to yourself. There are of course certain situations in which its not easy to cut all contact and no longer be in touch. As I said, if you want to be together with your ex again, and your ex boyfriend wants to be friends, (even if they say that they dont have feelings for you anymore), you shouldnt settle for being their side-chick or their friend with benefits unless this is something that actually makes you happy. We ended up sleeping together again and I asked him after it what he wanted and he said just to be friends and If Im not happy with that then it would be ok. It may have been years since you broke up but you're still on their mind and they just can't seem to move on with their lives. After another 3 months she decided to end the situationship out of the blue. In doing so, you open the doors of communication again by silently telling him Im totally fine, and we can talk like normal people again.. This new friendly relationship had actually replaced their previous, intimate and exclusive relationship. I kept myself busy even though this was still painful. 3. It was mind boggling. What Hes Thinking During Every Day Of No Contact, If He Blocks You, He Loves You? We went through some things. Somewhere along the journey, you fell in love, but moved away for work or education, leading to a breakup. Well me and my girlfriend weve been dating for around 3 years. A few possibilities why someone wants to stay friends with an ex: -To have them as a backup plan. 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When you yourself as much as you can and become the best version of yourself, your chances are going to be tremendously higher. The truth is that being friends with an ex might lead back into a relationship, but your best bet would be to give it some distance rather than risk hurting your current partner or coming off as needy. So ex wife of 21 years cheated on me for at least 3 years with at least 3 different men. When a narcissist wants to be your friend . As a general rule, even when youre saying, My ex is coming back, I really recommend that you dont get in bed with them unless youre in one particular situation that I explain in my book 70 Pro Tips To Get Back With Your Ex. If you remember the quote above, you will understand that its up to your ex who has to do all the work from now on. There was Infidelity on both sides. After a breakup, there are usually two types of situations. At the time of the breakup, he told me he still cared for me, and wanted me to be his friend and stay in his life because he genuinely liked me as a person. Always thought and loved that she is honest, she might be suffering in her own way, that she is reaching out to me because she cares. First of all, forgive yourself for wanting to move on. Perhaps they thought they would be with someone soon after the breakup. What Is My Ex Thinking And Feeling In No Contact? Image: Shutterstock. He may have remembered something special or fun from a time when you were still together, which made him miss you. Another reason your exboyfriend may want to be friends with you is that you share something. Cavallari and Cutler, 39, wed in 2013 after dating on and off for three years. This is the most obvious reason. "Holy! If you are reeling from the shock of the breakup, it does not make sense to befriend the person who led to those feelings. She did not come for a Round 2 with that in mind. Since your ex isnt interested in being a couple, its highly likely he or she doesnt want to be your friend either. There was still some chemistry between us. I believe we call this the dreaded friend zone. He showed a lot of concern for me over several things and even gave me a gun so I could protect myself and made a comment about how it was too bad I wasnt closer to him and talked about if I sold my house I maybe would move to the city he was in. Not playing victim. Please Help. Now is the time however to be strong, to follow your dreams and listen to your heart. Hey Nell, I would suggest that you avoid being friends with your ex, unless 1 he has a new girlfriend. The reason for that is because if you show zeal towards him or her, your ex will reasonably return less. You need to tread carefully when it comes to being friends with your ex. If your ex says they want to be friends, or that friendship is all they can offer you at the moment, DO NOT turn down the offer because you are scared that being friends will hurt your chances. Dont get swayed away and jump to saying yes because this may be another mistake or the best decision. My Ex Is Being Influenced By His Friends. You do not meet up and hang out for 30 days minimum, and even then avoid it as you need to start re connecting through talking with him. Melinda, 46, a journalist, confides: "I can't really completely heal from the breakup unless we stay in touch. Things were going really well and we spent 2 days together which he Invited me. After a breakup at first glance, staying friends with your ex in order to avoid tension and disagreements would appear logical. When your ex wants to be friends with you, it doesnt necessarily mean he wants more than just friendship with you. All of that has been erased as quickly as you can say whoops. I was afraid if I told him he wouldnt feel the same way. Todd Williamson/Bravo via Getty. Do not meet up with him for a while now. She panicked due to anxiety, seasonal depression, advice from friends (tarot cards), and she said she was starting to catch feelings for me which scared her having been burned before in past relationships. There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship based only on sex if you also want. Rachael in Australia reached out to me eight months ago saying that her ex wanted to remain friends with her after their break up. If the man has changed and is now able to attract her in a more meaningful, pleasurable way. A simple generic hey, hows your week been and I just dont know what to do! While being cordial can get you a sort of closure, for some people, it may hurt their healed wounds. I never did. Is my best chance to stay in no contact? This information is for educational purposes only and not a substitution for professional health services. Needless to say, having those traits and taking initiative with your ex doesnt work well together. Now, before I move on I do want to say that there is one specific case where I believe putting yourself in the friend zone is the smartest thing you can do. They still have feelings for you. Of course, when push comes to shove and you finally do end up texting your ex after the no contact rule he usually won't be able to resist a response. Because of all these things I got so vulnerable and ended up expressing what I had in my mind regarding our future and all of my feelings for her, which in turn just pushed her away, and she came up by saying that she wants to give all her time to creating her career and making the best of it. You want to be together again and you dont just want to see them at parties with friends and you dont want to be limited to two or three texts per month. After he found out, he broke up with me and I can honestly say that I had regret my decision instantly and I apologized sincerely and promised that it wouldnt happen again. Id like to take a quick second and expand on each of these reasons for a moment. It makes it easier when you bump into each other. He reasoned that he wanted me to be happy. She might process it one day and come back or she might not. Your partner either wants to be with you or doesnt want to see you at all. In case it was a serious relationship which he broke, and now he wants to be friends, it means that he has realized the mistake and wants to mend the wrong he did (give him a chance if you are still single). He told me his relationships usually only lasted six months. You need to also read the texts that Chris suggests in his articles. She forgets good times, and and only focus on or not picks, keeps a score of trivial things, rather inconsistent in her demeanor towards the relationship. We did cut it. The other part which shuts their ex down in a cold manner, not so much. But then the other day I was online in a game we liked to play together, and he invited me to play with him, and he then called me so we could talk while playing. With the way you feel it also isnt going to be possible for you to be friends with him yet. Familiarity is one of the best ways to create and maintain love; studies . Im going to the gym. I was concerned but since he was so loving and acted like I was the one for him we continued on. If you dont, shell go cold on you and tell you she started dating someone else. By purposefully putting yourself in the friend zone you are adding more time to your sentence. Regrets breaking up. Even if you're not romantically interested in them, you could be held back by the friendship. I had lost respect (hence the breakup) and worked on myself to get past things so it really wasnt a big deal to me emotionally AND I did enjoy speaking because he was my best friend. Two weeks later he said he really wanted us to work out & hell do whatever to work it out. Things such as sending invitations and messages in a demanding way which would surely put him or her off. My husband would compliment me every day & tell me how in love he was even when we were both mad at each other. This was all right before things went silent. In other words, they believe they can find someone else. How to find yourself after a breakup with these pro tips! I want to be able to communicate. If shes not, then shell cling to you for love or validation. When youve got an ex that wants to be friends, the very first step is to figure out exactly what you want deep down. Staying friends and sleeping with exes is a lot more common than you think. Perhaps the relationship was one-sided, a fling or an infatuation, and they are over with it now. If youre on this site, youre looking for solutions in terms of getting back together; not being friends with an ex that left you (or the person that maybe you broke up with.) What do I do?! She told me her reasons. They want to see . Who knows, you might even be one of the special friends on the guest list at their wedding. Please advise. Some will jump into bed with the first person they can find (see rebound relationships.) What should I do? It suddenly dawned upon your ex that they enjoyed various advantages while in a relationship with you. If you want to get back with your ex, you have to believe in getting back together! Remaining friends with an ex can affect your mental health adversely if you are trying to begin a new chapter in life. His wife died almost a year ago so I know he is wanting to take things slow. He has no intentions of staying friendly . I spoke to my best friend about it, he wasnt pleased but he just wishes me happiness. The complete step by step guide to get back together with an ex! 1) You might have had a messy breakup and now he just wants to just keep the peace. I feel loads better, healthier and happier, now hes text!! If you feel so damn good, why tell me about it? I actually did it to get back at him sad to say. There are many reasons why people strive to be friends with their ex after a breakup or divorce. Thats far from it. So yes, youre spending time with your ex kind of like how you were before, youre being intimate, but are you really happy? Do take note. In other words, its going to take longer to see success. This could be so he doesnt feel resented for what hes done after somebody else has hurt him. Your ex would eventually start dating another person, and you could experience unbelievable emotional turmoil. 2023 Elite Communication Coaching, LLC. If you were needy during the breakup, his guard will be up and think youre going to come at him again. I just want to be able to be "friendly". You just don't think it's a coincidence that she moved to your office or you bumped into her more often lately. You have no obligation to share things that you own or split bills with them anymore. Idk Im justifying something dumb I know but bare with me. Otherwise avoid being around him as much as you can and just go about your day as normal as if you are happy and indifferent to him being around. How do you know? Thats just ridiculous and unfair that she is not acknowledging my genuine concern, interest. We have been on and off speaking since but met a couple of times in the last few months and have slept together. Read articles to help you through the program. And if you had a friendly kind of breakup, maybe your ex just wants to be a friend of yours . What would you advise me to do? He or she looks for things you possess so you can raise their social status and overall health. Youre not running after him, but why? If your ex reaches out and pretends like they need . I often see dumpees shut down their exs friendship coldly and thoroughly. Ive said it many times and have even written a book about it. It is better to avoid having a friends-with-benefits relationship with your ex if you still have feelings for each other. If youre the one that left, they might be suggesting staying friends because they dont want everything to end so abruptly. I did not understand how could he suggest that. He texted me a day and a half later expressing how sorry he was and that he still cared and he did want to be friends. We didnt speak for a few months. Im not sure if I should go back into no contact until I get what I want (a relationship) because clearly no contact worked enough for him to miss me OR if I should pursue the friendship in hopes of it becoming more. Take care not to over-analyze the situation. I really had my heart set on all the plans we made and it hurts to think about never seeing him again. The reason for that is because people hate being perceived as bad people, and instead wish to feel redeemed for their sins (especially when something goes wrong). It may mean they are not over the relationship yet or regret the decision to break up with you. As soon as I left him alone and gave no contact, he started to reach out. He then went on to send me a screenshot showing that he has not removed any of our photo albums from his phone and he told me that even though we are together I should know how he really feels about me. If you have several common friends and you both are invariably going to bump into one another, consider discussion of remaining friends and informing your circle. Other times, an ex might not be sure if it was a good idea to leave you or not, and they want to keep you close while they figure it out. Another study found that being friends with your ex is more likely to hold you back from moving on. Could you be dating someone else and youre actually happier without him? All you have to do is read the testimonies of hundreds of people that get back together with their significant other thanks to all the tools I recommend as well as my eBook on how to make your ex come back. Being friends with your ex is not wrong, but knowing their objective behind reigniting the friendship is important. Being . It has led to fear of change in every aspect of life work, daily chores, and even paying bills. They get curious or nostalgic, so they reach out via text, call, or social media. Sign #5: Your Ex Waits a Few Weeks to Get Their Stuff Back From You. Sometimes you go from being an ex to a friend with benefits very quickly. Once the decision to become friends again has been made, your ex must start initiating conversations and leading them as well. Understand that if your relationship was one where you were often feeling hurt, abused, or disrespected, agreeing to remain friends could lead to more of that treatment. 1. A friendship with a narcissist isnt a true friendship because they are always looking to gain something and it shows. She had told me that she was in therapy now, she wasnt thinking about school anymore, and seasonal depression had gotten to her. What Can I Do? And well over 20 million men and women have visited my websites and a good segment of them have asked me questions. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Contact Us. I feel bad for her mental health. If you want . THAT would have been nice. That same night we started FaceTimed as friends again all night. Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love for good! It basically means you have high respect for yourself, and would rather walk away than become insecure and beg for attention. When one doesnt want to be in a relationship with you because of incompatibilities and disagreements, theres no way this person would feel the need for friendship with you. For other people its out of the question to continue to see their ex, especially not as a friend! 2) She's afraid of what could happen if she acts like a friend. The girl he started to date lives 3 or 4 hours from him but he has a house where she is at and said he was just going to travel to see her but wasnt planning on moving back. You have to be careful with the friend zone so I suggest a coaching session. Others will avoid you like the plague. You may also consult a therapist or counselor who can help you in your healing path. Narcissists love to smear their ex-parters to gain attention, empathy, and validation from other people. First, you will presumably think to yourself, perhaps if I just pretend to be my exs friend, I can prove growth and improvement. I believe thats why we broke up. Notice how the conversation opens up with people who hold coveted places in your life. If an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend wants to be friends is a good sign if they want to mend the relationship with you. If your ex admits their mistake and acknowledges where they went wrong, it might be because they are not yet over the relationship and do not want things to end. My ex and I ended on good terms because we agreed that we made better friends then a couple. Besides, deep down in your heart, you know that you dont want that either. She wasnt ready for this relationship thats one of the problems. So in a rare case scenario where your ex says he wants to be friends with you, be aware that he doesnt genuinely want that. I invested all in our relationship. So how can you climb out of this friends zone when your ex wants to be friends with you? I helped her a lot to solve her problems, i dont mind because I feel complete when helping others but I believe she was scared I leave her at some point so she decided to leave me instead. However, if it hurts you a lot, walk away and concentrate on your own social life. I really want to be with him. Your email address will not be published. Your focus will be reseducing your ex and that will change everything! Others will avoid you like the plague. I am so angry but our daughters have missed their mother. BUT we've got 3 kids together. Study found that being friends with your ex will reasonably return less intimate exclusive! Chance to stay friends with an ex can affect your mental health if... Each other begin a new chapter in life and I ended our relationship for nearly 3 months, would! Really well and we spent 2 days together which he Invited me so abruptly yes because this may another! 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