Ugh. Its one thing for the wife and her friends to be talking about you, but they were talking about you and laughing. Does she really think they dont laugh at her for doing bi things with you behind her back as well? I heard their conversation. It sounds like shes remorseful. You feel emasculated about something that's a part of you because you hide it Weirdly plenty of women like men who like men too. Things that concern only you two she turn into an open truth and open truths she kept from you. Viktor Frankl There's a wide gulf between those that think that's okay and the rest of us. It is also extremely concerning that she never told you that Tom approached her before the wedding. You need to accept yourself for who you are. Don't rush the feels phase. Only one thing to do in this situation. The other men were cowering in my path - perhaps it was the still throbbing splitting seams, or maybe it was the velocity I was able to achieve on my heelys from the downward grade of my driveway. She said that was why she made the comment about thinking about Tom during some things we do sexually because she felt they were judging her for being with me. I'm reading all the comments and really appreciate the advice and support guys . Great comment. I could give the benefit of the double and believe she fakes the homophobic/biphobic stuff for her friends. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. Definitely think about whether or not this is a dealbreaker. Between stimulus and response, there is a space. P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya. Hope you can solve things and come to a good end for you. She shouldn't be hiding things from you or telling people your personal stuff. But it needs to be on your terms. I could never trust what to believe again. Its amazing where friendship comes from in the darkest of times. Yeah. Couples therapy. Taking a sensitive topic like sexuality and using yours in a way to demean you just so she can get a chuckle from her friends is unacceptable. But I also feel like it's a betrayal you can come back from. Good luck. Don't minimize the situation and don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking you are overreacting or that this isn't divorce-level situation. Exactly! Im sorry about your situation; not sure what I would do. If you can't let bygones go after that then take the divorce, but be the better person and give your marriage a chance. And be prepared to put the fear of God, who loves bi and gay and straight people, and in Whose name marriage vows are made, into this Tom-person. Couples counseling could work but it may also not be necessary, you two could work on it together. Dont just accept her apology and move on. If, she cannot part with them, I would part with her. Forgive them anyway. Yes, I do think you need to talk to her about it - it's not something that's going to go away. Before my wife was with me she dated a man named Tom. One of the things they dont tell you about relationships is that you gotta be able to stand up for your SO when the time comesso even if OPs wife doesnt actually believe all that and bent to peer pressure, that really sucks and Im sorry she feels that way with her friends, but she shouldnt be surprised if she loses her husband. Shitty situation man. My life would have been infinitely better if my parents didnt do that shit. It's only a reference to who you choose to have sex with. That's the truth. Suggest you stay away for a bit and do some thinking about what you want and whether its possible for her to mend this damage and that you can accept her behavior and forgive her. She chose to prioritize platonic bonds over her marriage and honestly just participated in casual homophobia at the expense of her husband. German Husband let Young Boy Fuck his Wife in Threesome 14:30. Especially since it contradicted her actions so much. Because I think going three-for-three on instances of convenient bullshit is, well, bullshit. My bf and I have been together not long 3 years but hes 33, I 27, and whenever there is even a shred of something that bugs either one of us we tell each other. Hopefully, she falls into a better crowd that is modern and accepting. Especially because the reason behind the "close call" was because OP is bi. Although, bi men have it way worse. Soooo. If you can't trust someone with your sexuality - you aren't going to trust them with anything else that matters to you, there will always be something keeping you from sharing your full self with them. I doubt your own friends would even care, they might tease you a little but thats what friends do. Good luck, brother. Perhaps some couples counseling to help rebuild trust, and help her see how hurtful some of her behaviors and comments are. Couples therapy is a must, but it is on your wife to earn your trust back. Same! Its unsettling that she would remain friends with people who dared to judge her in that way, and that she even tries to gain their approval by talking trash about the beautiful sex you two get to have together. Seems like she might have played along a little too much to sound cool to her friends. If its been a long time she maybe used to be that way but not anymore and still knows how to do the diggs they like. This opens up two main issues, and a third tangential one, as follows: In the first scenario: She crossed a boundary and (un)consiously violated your trust. If my wife did this, I doubt I'd ever care to be into intimate with her again. Also sound out the wives who weren't judgemental and ask their opinions. How would she feel, how would she react, etc. This has big sad middle America vibes or something. At a minimum she should have come clean about the bachelorette party thing the moment it happened. It takes a lot of trust and vulnerability to explore kinks with somebody. Still, you are gonna have a serious talk and you're gonna have to make her understand this was unacceptable. Thats some boomer logic about the sex binary of gay/straight. 3. No matter how stupid, stupid turnt I got, I would NEVER be in a state of mind to let such a personal, private thing slip out. I don't know what I'd do. Notice how she doubled down instead of being ashamed or saying that's not a subject for discussion? you'd be shocked but how many wives/girlfriends go into detail about their sex lives with their friends. Therapy is the next logical step. And can think clearly. If my bf were you, I'd imagine he would do the same exact thing. Cool off first of all. So she outed you, and joked with friends about fantasizing about other men during sex because of your sexuality? She told her friends some of your kinks gross her out, and then told them she fantasizes about her ex-boyfriend while you fuck her. I found out that Im extremely affects by stress, including fight at home. Ask her about it, give her the space to openly address it and dually try and understand why she feels that way as well as highlighting why you two are together. She used your innermost private information (your sexuality) as fodder for gossip and jokes. No pun intended. How I interpret you feel: she betrayed your trust, she shared your private life, and then made fun of it. Which is obviously shit because she's willing to throw you to the wolves, but not admit her fun time with you. Whoa. If you are honest, people may cheat you. It seems like it doesnt bother your one guy friend all that much and maybe having it a little out in the open will be nice. The guy was asking her if she'd told me about them being together in the past. You're not overreacting at all. Also, people who have satisfying sex lives dont talk about it, just like people who have actual wealth dont have to tell you). And why do you feed their judgement by throwing your husband to the wolves over this? Youre not overreacting. She stopped criticizing after that. Winston Churchill Also you say you feel emasculated. I've been married for 21+ years. Stay strong man I can only hope you can move on from this with your confidence restored. I would never be able to sleep with my wife again but OP might be better than me. Anyone that believes stay for the kids has literally never had any experience as a kid whos parents stayed for them. For that reason I would agree that you guys should talk about, counseling, or like I said, you reconsidering the relationship. If that partner had outed me to anyone, I would have never been able to trust them again. You are joke to your wife she have no respect for you at all. I only started being a little open about it when I moved 3 states away from them and was dating a supportive partner. She forced him out, and its time for her to join him. Your wife acted poorly. That is why we married each other. Any time it would come up I would think about those words. Like it may have been rooted in some truth, but exaggerated and theatricated for like entertainment purposes. Im not at all saying you were wrong to stay and listen and your feelings are VALID. Mom and boy 22:56. Fucking judgemental pieces of shit. She's lying to you to save face. I don't think this information should have been said. She's betrayed you. I couldnt believe it. I'd be more open about your sexuality; if you've nothing to hide then the nasty wives have nothing to attack. Own who you are and youll feel so much better. That sucks that your wife has such closed minded friends. This is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. I would be so freaking upset & sad. Thirdly, those friends have got to GO. He said if i wanna get together for a drink or whatever to let him know. Third, never fighting is surprisingly not a sign of a great marriage. I am floored you are the only person who has pointed this out. That's a major issue in my eyes at least. She has taken away your ability to feel safe being vulnerable and honest with her. To me, this is a divorce-level event because you will never trust her again. Best of luck. You seem like you are happy in your relationship (prior to this obviously) and wanting to find a way to work through this and I feel like a lot of counseling is the only way it could possibly happen. OK she was drunk and your sexuality came out in a stupid moment. First, I am so sorry she made those statements for whatever the reason. You are both going to be have to go to couples therapy and individual therapy sessions. Your wife probably didn't want to admit in front of her friends that she likes that you're into butt stuff and initiates most of the time. Best of luck. Best of luck. That would be the end for me. They honestly seem jealous if they care that much about what you enjoy sexually. I dont know what to do. I told her I cant believe shed ever say something like that or not tell me how she felt.she continued to swear she was just being stupid and didnt mean or feel anything she said. They are what they are and they are very real. Can you trust a person like that after all this? Second, your wife may have been shitface drunk when she blabbed your secret, but she should have refused to talk about it thereafter. Just want to say the other husband is a stand up guy. If a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. At 31 years old! Personal details should remain private. Itll be hurtful to both of you for a long time and you probably both need therapy but if you truly do love each other, itll be worth it. Who cares. We were having drinks and girl talk, about sex, etc.. well he didnt like a few things he heard and got upset. But one thing I have realized is that you should be proud of who you are as a person, sexual preferences included. Maybe you should ask him if that not problem why he upset. 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