But it's all about your recovery time: Holding onto a defensive attitude is a decidedly different way of approaching your relationship than recognizing that you're being defensive and letting it go. The feeling is typically elicited when you feel as though someone is being critical of you, and results in shame, sadness, and anger. Getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself often backfires. In turn, behavior usually results from the feeling, such as being sarcastic, giving someone the silent treatment, or being critical in return. Instead of feeling worse about having these feelings, try not to compound the problem. Webdefensive See definition of defensive on Dictionary.com adj. She heard the blustering, defensive note in his voice. We automatically assume that conflict will collapse a relationship. Learning to hear our partners complaints with curiosity and openness not only deepens the connection between us but helps us be more open in all of our relationships. People who are more prone to defensiveness may perceive an attack in certain situations in which people with resilient and calm temperaments would perceive none. The word in the example sentence does not match the entry word. There are a number of strategies and coping techniques that you can employ to help you feel less defensive, which will result in you behaving in a less defensive way. But in the long term, it undermines us and our relationships. Before you can focus on others reactions to conflicts, its best to grow your self-awareness. Another way to manage defensiveness is to improve your communication skills. Instead, you can show yourself compassion for how you are feeling, and recognize that everyone feels this way from time to time. Defensiveness refers to both a feeling and a behavior. When you compromise, you decide to negotiate with one another. Over time, your goodwill and empathy toward others has been eroded. While defensive behaviors might help you to feel better in the short term, in the long term they generally result in you feeling worse. Subscribe Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts. This not only makes you seem more affable and humble, but it removes the defenses of the other person who feels like they are being attacked for their own problems. All rights reserved. They may often hear themselves described as "too sensitive" or "thin-skinned." Defensiveness is an impulsive and reactive mode of responding to a situation or conversation. That is a strong argument that defensive stocks are objectively better investments than other stocks. Obreabska M, et al. protective, watchful synonyms for defensive Compare Synonyms opposing averting conservative foiling forestalling preservative preventive thwarting arresting balking checking coping with defending frustrating guarding in opposition interrupting protecting resistive safeguarding uptight 4. a person who defends (someone or something). Above all else, it is important to be aware of and acknowledge your own failings. Defense mechanisms associated with borderline personality disorder. 2. Hear a word and type it out. Keep this in mind for both yourself and your partner; it's always important to remember that we all have a variety of influencing factors when it comes to our behavior. You could say, Go on or Oh? Click below to listen now. cautious. Adjective. When we lash out, we dig ourselves deeper. Motor vehicle collisions are the leading cause of death in the workplace. Civil defense, the organizing of civilians to deal with emergencies or enemy attacks. Using the word opinion. Rather than getting defensive, they adopted a growth mindset and tried to learn how to improve their own performance. Do you stand with arms crossed, stand a little taller? A study from the Journal of Experimental Psychology delved into this issue. Of course, its not realistic to expect to always respond to every type of criticism in this way. Defense industry, industry which manufactures and sells weapons and military technology. Opposite. self-protective. 4. c. Performed so as to avoid risk, danger, or legal liability: defensive driving; defensive medicine. If not, its time to get clear on how you want to behave. Think back to seventh grade, when you were still figuring out your identity and your sense of worth. Opposite offensive Defensiveness is an impulsive and reactive mode of responding to a situation or conversation. The feeling is typically elicited when you feel as though someone is being critical of you, and results in shame, sadness, and anger. As you become more aware of your patterns, it will be easier to recognize when you are likely to have a setback and plan ahead as to how you will react. The offers that appear in this table are from partnerships from which Verywell Mind receives compensation. Webadjective attempting to justify or defend in speech or writing synonyms: justificative, justificatory apologetic, excusatory offering or expressing apology adjective intended or appropriate for defending against or deterring aggression or attack defensive weapons a defensive stance Synonyms: antiaircraft Usage explanations of natural written and spoken English. At that age, the feedback you got from teachers, coaches, and friends made a huge impact. Make excuses about whatever you are being criticized about. Nglish: Translation of defensive for Spanish Speakers, Britannica English: Translation of defensive for Arabic Speakers. What do a medieval fortress, a balled-up porcupine, and a linebacker have in common? Fourteen words that helped define the year. A defensive person can be someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Below are some ideas to get you started on a path toward being less defensive. Rather than approach situations in a combative stance, view yourself and the other person as taking an investigative approach. Consider only responding in a competitive or forceful way when there is an emergency, such as when someone is in danger or when there are serious safety concerns. (2016). Intended to withstand or deter aggression or attack: a defensive weapons system; defensive behavior. The relationship begins to smolder with resentments that undermine us in ways they wouldn't if expressed freely in the first place. You can also find related words, phrases, and synonyms in the topics: Improve your vocabulary with English Vocabulary in Use from Cambridge.Learn the words you need to communicate with confidence. (2017). An agreed-upon intermediary may also be helpful in resolving the issue. Rather than listening with an open heart, we respond with our metaphorical shields up and weapons drawn. In understanding defensiveness better, we can learn to dismantle it as a habit and begin engaging more compassionately and openly in our relationships. Getting defensive in response to disruptions like these in your relationship is natural. They have a defensive attitude as they try to protect themselves. Delivered to your inbox! Weba. Acknowledging that everyone has problems is the surest route to better communication. No one is better prepared to provide that training than the National Safety Council. WebDistrustful of others. Then, you can reapproach the subject once both sides are calm and ready to face it with a more open mind. 1. If youre defensive in disagreements, you can speak to a mental health professional to better understand and lessen your defensive behaviors. For example, if you feel badly when someone brings up your physical health, you might feel more confident if you already know that you are doing everything possible to be the healthiest version of yourself. Teams using DTs generally have two on the field at a time. Theres a reason why they call it disarming someone with your charm. Defensiveness is an impulsive and reactive mode of responding to a situation or conversation. Below are some tips on how to cope and defuse this situation when you are faced with a defensive person. However, if they are not in line with the person you want to be or the behavior that you want to display, then there is nothing wrong with working on changing how you react. offensive (ATTACKING) More examples. Adjective. WebDefense (military), forces primarily intended for warfare. She received her master's degree in counseling from Oregon State University and has practiced psychotherapy since 1981. Are you unsure whether you have been engaging in defensive behavior? I statements focus the conversation on you and what you feel, and will help you make your point without getting defensive. So today, lets look at five ways to regulate your mood and stop getting defensive. Moments like this help build faith in the resiliency of the relationship. Defensive stocks are stocks that generate relatively stable performances regardless of the market cycle. Conflicting, positive or strongly held? Compromise is often the best course of action when settling a conflict is more important than getting what you want. Rather than listening with an open heart, we respond with our metaphorical shields up and weapons drawn. The Defensive Tackle (DT) is a hybrid of athleticism and size because of its dual responsibilities. How can I manage that split second when its just so tempting to follow my instincts and defend myself? Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. So, for example, if youre feeling defensive after a not-so-stellar work review, forget about frantically rehashing all your past workplace triumphs. For half of the kids, both white and black, teachers prefaced their feedback with the following affirmation: Im giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I know that you can reach them, while the other half of the kids, again, both white and black, were simply given constructive feedback on their essaysno preface. Remembering our firmest beliefs and passions can make us feel less defensive. offensive (ATTACKING) More examples. EI is the ability to understand, manage, and use your emotions in positive ways to help communicate with others, relieve stress, and diffuse conflict. Learn a new word every day. Motor vehicle collisions are the leading cause of death in the workplace. All Rights Reserved. Webdefensive 1 of 2 adjective as in protective intended to resist or prevent attack or aggression a defensive alliance among the small nations against the aggressors Synonyms & Similar Words Relevance protective self-protective preventive deterrent secure safe Antonyms & Near Antonyms offensive aggressive combative belligerent warlike militant Opposite offensive Continuing to rehash problems for the sake of arguing is not effective communication. Accuse the other person of doing the same thing. The simple act of acknowledging that you feel hurt, worried, ashamed, fearful, or insecure can help to defuse the situation. Send us feedback. Delivered to your inbox! This type of reaction to a problem may be easy to spot. A slightly awkward pause buys you time and, as a bonus, throws them off their game. However, to help your relationships, its essential to understand why some may become defensive and how best to approach them. Then all the participants were given just four minutes to read a long and confusing passage from Freuds classic The Interpretation of Dreams, which, with its late 1800s language and esoteric ideas, was about as easy to get through as a line at the DMV on your lunch hour. A defensive person can also be someone that has low self-esteem or that has a difficult time listening to criticisms about themself. The answer: make it through that moment by waiting to react. 4. She received her master's degree in counseling from Oregon State University and has practiced psychotherapy since 1981, specializing in couples and communication. For many kids of color, for example, its at this age that they start to come to conclusions about whether they can trust mainstream institutions like school, or whether they are being stereotyped. Subscribe to America's largest dictionary and get thousands more definitions and advanced searchad free! Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D., is a psychologist at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders. But no matter their actual score, participants were told they scored in the 37th percentile. Intended to withstand or deter aggression or attack: a defensive weapons system; defensive behavior. sive di-fen (t)-siv d-fen (t)- 1 : serving or intended to defend or protect a defensive alliance 2 : resisting or preventing attack defensive behavior You can also find related words, phrases, and synonyms in the topics: Improve your vocabulary with English Vocabulary in Use from Cambridge.Learn the words you need to communicate with confidence. Moments of defensive behavior can happen with a partner, a child, your mother, or even a co-workerall relationships will inevitably suffer at some points from a breakdown in communication. Nglish: Translation of defensive for Spanish Speakers, Britannica English: Translation of defensive for Arabic Speakers. A defensive person can also be someone that has low self-esteem or that has a difficult time listening to criticisms about themself. Alternatively, dont be afraid to stay momentarily silent. Add defensive to one of your lists below, or create a new one. Weba. Webdefensive 1 of 2 adjective as in protective intended to resist or prevent attack or aggression a defensive alliance among the small nations against the aggressors Synonyms & Similar Words Relevance protective self-protective preventive deterrent secure safe Antonyms & Near Antonyms offensive aggressive combative belligerent warlike militant If you are struggling with defensiveness and cant seem to get control of it on your own, you may wish to invest in therapy or counseling to work on the issue. Linda Carroll, M.S., LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist and board-certified life coach currently living in Oregon. Being able to offer empathy and respect to those around you will also go a long way to avoiding the trap of reciprocal defensiveness. If you receive criticism that is cruel or insulting, no one expects you to grow from itgo ahead and use your time and energy repairing those wounds. Advertisement 2. How many can you get right? Which of these items is named for a deadly weapon. Usage explanations of natural written and spoken English. The "conflict cycle" goes like this: connect, rupture, protest, repair, and reconnect. Opposite offensive Getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself often backfires. Adjective. WebDistrustful of others. Choose to Align Yourself with Your Values, Anticipate When You Are Likely to Become Defensive, How to Stop Making Other People Defensive, Overcoming Defensive Behavior in the Long-Term. Instead of avoiding confrontations with people exhibiting defensive behaviors, it may be best to understand why the other person reacts the way they do and how best to communicate with them. Motor vehicle collisions are the leading cause of death in the workplace. Defensiveness refers to both a feeling and a behavior. Reviewed by Devon Frye. They are expected to wreak havoc with the Offensive Line on running plays by physically clogging up the gaps between the Center, Guards, and Tackles to prevent a running back from getting Webdefensive adjective (PROTECTING) used to protect someone or something against attack: These are purely defensive weapons, not designed for attack. This type of reaction to a problem may be easy to spot. We may ache for them to "return" and reconnect, yet our behavior is the last thing that would invite them back. 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